The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
