i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
