people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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