This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
