Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
