he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
