I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
