I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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