A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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