when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
