Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
