mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
