my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
