foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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