i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
