Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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