After last night, I could never be a politician.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
