Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
