Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize