I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Houston, we have a squirter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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