You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
