I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
