I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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