I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
