Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
