so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
