He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
