His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
