If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sorry about my life...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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