In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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