Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
