um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
