Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
