please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
