Plan B is the new Plan A
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
