jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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