I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
then he tried to convert me to islam
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
