normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
