Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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