fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
