just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
