That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
