please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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