If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
