3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Found your dick twin last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
