he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
