woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
