Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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