He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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