You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize