i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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