I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize