I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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