Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
