i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
