ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
