obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
