You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
