I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
