Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
3pm strippers are depressing
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
