Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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