I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
